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When did we start comparing how terrible our lives and children are?

When, instead of looking forward to how our children grow and change, did we start looking with dread about what terrible milestones we would make it to?


When did we stop celebrating happy things and start focusing on the bad that may or may not happen in the near or distant future?


This starts early.


You've heard it.  Think about all the warnings pregnant moms get about how their world is going to be totally turned upside down by their new baby...


"I feel great even though I am 6 months pregnant"
"You just wait until you have the baby, you'll never sleep again!!"

Then... just when they think they can celebrate... nope... it only gets worse, right?

"My 2 day old snuggled and slept all night!!"
"You just wait until he's home, he'll never sleep."

"My 1 year old is having the worst tantrums!"
"You just wait until she's 3, she will be impossible by then!!"

It continues through the "terrible twos" elementary school, and even through high school and college!

"My 4 year old won't stop asking me questions!"
"You just wait until he's 16, he'll never even look at you, never mind talk to you or ask you questions!!"

"My daughter won't listen to a word I say!"
"You just wait until she's in college, you'll never speak to her anymore!  You'll have to stalk her on instagram just to see where she is!"

Are we all participating in some kind of misery contest... who ever has the worst kid wins?  

Why do we feel compelled to one up each other's suffering OR to crush one another's happiness?  You're happy with your kid?!  Just you WAIT until he's as bad as mine is!

Recently all this misery one upping had me thinking about my education classes, and self-fulfilling prophecies.  Are we doomed to terrible relationships with our kids if we keep this up?   If we think things are going to get worse... will they?  What would happen if we thought things would only get better? 

What if we changed our language and our attitude?

What if instead of telling one another things get worse... we encouraged one another and shared what gets better?

What if we focused on the good in our kids rather than complaining about every single bad thing?

I am guilty on all accounts.

I have done this.

A lot.

It's hard, by nature, we want people to feel what we are feeling... and if we are tired from waking up 15 times at night, it is hard to see the silver lining, I feel it too... but if instead of swearing we have it worse than everyone else, what if we just started focusing on the good and forgetting (at least for a while) the bad?

Will our positive attitude affect our kids? 

I mean it can't get worse right ;) 

I'm trying it out starting today! 

Join me?




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2 comments:

Elisabeth said...

I'm a firm believer that each age and stage has delights all of its own... I tend to be more of the "just you wait...because as fun as this is, once they start really REALLY smiling at you, you're going to melt!" or "just you wait... it's great having teens, they are SO helpful!"

I think having so many different ages at once really helps me enjoy whatever stage the little ones are in... I know that as much as I am going to love having the confidantes that teens and twenty-somethings can be, I will also miss those little hugs and grins.

Last night was senior night for football. I went from home, hugging on my precious little 4 year old who looks almost EXACTLY like his big brother, to being escorted out onto the football field by my 17 year old son who gave me a beautiful rose and thanked me for supporting him through 4 years of football games. He's huge. I ended up being hugged into and under his football pads... but the look on his face was no less delicious than the grin of his baby brother....

This is a great post. I'm going to post it to my FB page!

KT @ OneOrganicMama said...

Elizabeth! Thank you so much for the kind words :) I am trying to savor each moment with my littles and look forward to all the cool stuff we can do together in the future. I envision early mornings with coffee at the hockey rink :)

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