That Time I *MAY* Have Imagined the Mommy Wars

So... as it turns out... I think I have been imagining these so called 'mommy wars.'

I mean I have read about them, written about them, but as it turns out... I don't think they actually exist.

I have left facebook groups and hid friends on facebook.

I have debated and defended.


I think....

I *may* have overreacted.

I started thinking <in the shower after I had just shared an article from the toilet> this morning about when I write facebook posts and share articles I have read.

I'm going to be honest, it's never sitting at a desk, after really pondering, taking notes, and thinking about something.

I always do it as part of some form of multitasking... 

Here are some of the places I have updated my facebook status:
Bed after nursing at 3am
The dinner/lunch/breakfast table
The park while pushing the swings
Sitting on the floor covered in legos
The upstairs bathroom
The couch
The car in line at Sbucks
The downstairs bathroom
While nursing a newborn
The passenger seat of my car
Hiding in the garage
The beach
My parents' house
Hiding in my bedroom
Various restaurants
Public bathrooms
Covered in flour while cooking
While nursing a toddler/getting simultaneously kicked in the face and the arm
In the midst of folding laundry

So I got to thinking how much am I really thinking about what I am writing and sharing?  

When I have one hand in raw chicken and am sharing an article about what's wrong with cloth diapers... am I really reading the whole thing, evaluating its validity, checking the source, and then sharing?

Or did I just see the title and press 'share'  because -damn- people care the articles I think might be interesting and they need to read them NOW (or at least read the title like I did).

So... If I'm not thinking about the crap I am writing and sharing - what are the chances that everyone else is? 


Less than slim?

Then I got to thinking about why I left some of the groups I was in, why I hid some of my friends, why I stopped following a bazillion pages.

It was because I was taking people's status updates, shared articles, and comments on child rearing to heart.  I was feeling left out and rejected if I didn't agree with and follow everything someone else is doing.


Lame right?

Not mine... someone else's!  Someone who didn't even know if I was or wasn't reading it!  

I was taking a post so personally... that it was as if when some blogger, I don't know, was taking an awesome dump, and sharing an article about why organic food isn't worth the money, DIRECTED IT AT ME.

Was it?

Nope, proly not.

So then I got to thinking about these supposed 'mommy wars.'

Are moms REALLY attacking each other?

Are they stopping people in the grocery store and telling them to put down the cheese puffs?  Slapping the bottle out of your kids' mouth and shoving their boob in (or vice versa)? Leaping to save your kid from the sunscreen you thought was protecting them?  Are they actually saying TO YOU that your kid is rotten, because YOU didn't start timeout soon enough or because you spanked them too soon?


Or... are moms comparing themselves to what they "see" of other moms on the interwebs? Do they, like me, just have the perception that other people *might* be spying on and judging your every move? 

<if you are spying and judging me... it's not conventional peanut butter I'm eating... it's deliciously, local, chocolate chip almond butter, and if you had some you would eat it with a spoon while your kids are screaming upstairs napping too>

Are you comparing yourself to something your BFF posted... while she was trying to get poop off her knuckles from the latest diaper explosion?  Something she didn't think about, read, or intend to apply to anyone else but her kids?

I posted this picture a while ago when I started brainstorming this post... 

So... I came to the conclusion that nope... these things NEVER existed.  

And... I decided to here and now vow to not take personally something someone I don't know posted from the bathroom, because in the end not only were they not directing it at me... they hadn't even read it.

I vow to remain true to the belief that ALL moms, most of all myself, are doing what they deem is best for their kids.  That no one makes a decision for their kids because they intend to harm them.  

I will remember that just because someone posts something that *may* conflict with how I did something or what I believe in... doesn't mean that:

1. It was intended for me 
2. It was right for my family
3. Was even what that person did
4. Was even read by the poster
5. Is right/accurate/true (it's the interwebs people... you can prove ANYTHING to be true)

I'm not rushing back to all my online groups or unhiding people... I am however; looking at the mommy wars in a new and less personal light.  I truly don't believe mamas ever post something trying to be hurtful of another mama.  So I am going to stop taking things so personally and seriously.  Anytime I start getting worked up about something online, I am going to, for a second, think about the reality behind the post.  The poster, sitting on the toilet, with the door locked, with screaming kids trying to break it down and get in.  Then I am going to take a deep breath and get the hell over something that was never about me anyway.

I am going to go back using facebook for what it was really intended for - playing words with friends and 'poking' people... mostly my sister.

Don't write anything mean to me in the comments though.  That I will take personally.


I share my posts here.  It's an awesome list.  Check it out.  Seriously.  It's a great list and if you visit blog parties you are going to want to check them out!  It's up to date, organized by day, and the links all work <3


Rachel said...

Great thoughts here! I sometimes read things and take them personally too and then I'm like wait how do I even know that's about me! Esp on twitter! Esp when people write something like "I hate it when someone..." and I'm like is that me? did I do that? lol!

Phyllis said...

Totally hear you on this! I also sometimes have caught myself taking stuff on our local community forums personally! *sigh* Thanks for the thoughts and the good reminder!

Tree said...

Awesome!! My thoughts exactly.

KT @ OneOrganicMama said...

I just want to make an effort to quit overreacting to things that aren't about me. I am a big offender of this - and it is pretty self-centered to believe that everything on facebook is about me :) Twitter... hmm... maybe I should start checking there too...

KT @ OneOrganicMama said...

Yes! The forums are the easiest place to take things personally (in my opinion) it's why I left so many of them... but my guess is... I was totally overreacting.

KT @ OneOrganicMama said...

Glad you can relate! Hope you can get past it too!!

Elizabeth@Warrior Wives said...

Yeah, I think you're probably right that most of the time we're imagining the "mommy wars" and assuming people are posting articles just to irritate anyone who does it differently. I did, however, have one friend who I SWEAR really was doing it just to make me mad...constantly posting articles condemning anyone who circumcised their boys (which we did)...I ignored most of them, hid her, then finally unfriended her. And then she wrote me a nasty private message telling me I would answer to God for circumcising my boys...sigh...there really are those people who get so worked up that they want to make everyone else feel guilty, but most of the time, it's all in our heads.

KT @ OneOrganicMama said...

Oh Elizabeth I totally agree. This blog was self-deprecating because I feel like my own insecurities cause to me overreact to lots of crap that doesn't have anything to do with me.

With that said - I know there are REAL mommy wars out there - and circumcision is certainly a decisive issue in the mommy community. I am so sorry about the loss of a friend due to this issue. Sadly, aggression (passive or not) doesn't help, unite, or lift mamas up, instead it serves to pit us against one another in a very real, hurtful way.

I hope that my blog didn't minimize the real war you were a part of <3

Mary Meyer said...

Visiting from Mums Make Lists! This article is simply perfect, I will be featuring it on my Motherhood page on my blog(cherryblossomlove.com). I find myself taking articles and comments too seriously. I do still think that mommy wars exist and some women goes are far as seeking out reactions and debates. But now I try to just ignore them...

KT @ OneOrganicMama said...

It's very liberating to start disregarding them :)

Aprille @ beautifulinhistime.com said...

I loved this post! I came to a similar conclusion last week, although your version was much more humorous! You can read it here: http://beautifulinhistime.com/2013/06/05/when-you-feel-threatened-by-her-choices/

KT @ OneOrganicMama said...

Love it! Thanks for sending the link :)

momstheword said...

Great post! This is so weird though because my post for tomorrow mentions "mommy wars" and your post is the second post I've read about it tonight, lol! Great minds think alike.

Thanks so much for linking up to Making Your Home Sing Monday!

KT @ OneOrganicMama said...


Jennifer @ Every Breath I Take said...

Truth! Such a wonderful message! Thanks for sharing with the Tuesday Baby Link Up Community!

Alice Emma Thompson said...

Fab post - love the Anne Lamott quotation.

Thanks so much for sharing at the Friday Baby Shower - Alice x

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...