Tappah is the name D gave my dad. He thinks it's the real name for Grandpa and he says, "when I was little and I couldn't talk right, I called Tappah Grandpa, I was so silly." No matter how many times I tell him that he has it backwards - he thinks I am "just kidding."
So Tappah to his four grandsons he remains.
The picture to the left here<---- is of me and Tappah on a 2 day road trip to FL. Yup you read that right, MA to FL and back in two days.
We only got pulled over once. The picture is taken at South of the Border at 2am.
Before his post... Let's get to know Tappah...
- Tappah is a big supporter of College sports. Not well known, big name colleges. Assumption and Marist. Assumption because my sister and I went there, Marist because my cousins went there.
- Tappah loves the Yankees. Not like casual, I like to catch a game love, love that means he thinks he might be called into the game at any moment. He wears that batting helmet in preparation.
- Tappah likes the tractor. He has a really nice one. In addition to enjoying riding the tractor alone, he has purchased and altered a cart that fits all four grandsons in two rows of handmade seats.
- Tappah is the best dad! He loved his girls more than anything until those girls had two boys each... now I am just hoping he loves us as much as he loves them.
- As much as Tappah loves his grandsons, he hates modern government (note the Thomas Jefferson t-shirt). All of it. He gets really worked up.
- Lastly, Tappah tries desperately to keep up with the current regulations for food my sister and I are currently enforcing. When my sister's kids were drinking almond milk, he bought it. When I was on the elimination diet - he made me flavor free turkey for breakfast. When I told him to throw out his plastic cheese, he did.
With that, I give you Tappah and his understanding of organics and healthy food:
Tappah's Healthy Food Update:
I thought it was time to clear up some of the confusion regarding healthy eating.
- Butter is good, it used to be bad & we were told to use margarine instead but now butter is good again & margarine will kill you. Yum, I like butter!
- Eggs are good, they used to be bad and we were told if you ate them the cholesterol would clog your veins and kill you but now eggs are good again. Yum, I like eggs!
- All soy products are now bad, they used to be good but now if you eat soy products they will kill you. I don’t actually know what soy is so I probably won’t miss it much.
- Canola oil is now bad, it use to be good but now if you use it, you will die. I like canola and I will miss using it. I think now I need to use coconut oil. I hope canola makes a comeback.
- Organic anything is good for now. I will update you, if & when organic products become bad.
- Salmon is good but not the affordable kind that is raised on a farm, that kind will kill you. The really expensive salmon is good. The farm kind however, always looks better at the store.
- Used to be, if you ate pork that was not cooked to 1000c degrees Centigrade you would get trigonometry, which is a disease where you spend your entire day trying to plot x & y on some type of a chart. Now, you can eat pork that is cooked to 140 degrees Fahrenheit and not have to do any math equations at all.
- It is always safer to buy eggs and milk from the weird guy down the street who sells these items, at the end of his driveway, than from a large company. Don’t talk to this guy however. Put the money in the box, grab the eggs and run. Do not allow your children to trick or treat at this lunatic’s house at Halloween.
- “Natural” vanilla extract comes from the sweat glands in a beaver’s derriere. Now that I know that tasty fact, I think I can do without vanilla extract. If your vanilla extract is not organic, it comes from a beaver’s backside. I don’t know what part of a beaver they get the organic extract from but it would have to be an upgrade.
- “Natural” on a product label indicates the company is trying to hide something from the end user. Like “Natural” vanilla extract. Most brands of vanilla ice cream use extract from a beaver’s tushie.
- Gluten is bad, not sure exactly what a “gluten” is but it will probably kill you.
- Wheat is bad, not sure exactly why but it will probably kill you.
- Corn is bad, not sure exactly why but it will probably kill you. I think I heard it grows its own pesticide. Pretty remarkable if you ask me.
- Any low-fat product is bad, it used to be good but now it is bad.
- Sugar is bad but anything else that makes food palatable is worse. Honey right now is good.
- Barbecuing anything will kill you. I think preparing food by this method releases the Corinthians, I think it’s in the Bible.
- Monsanto makes floor tile, carpeting, ceiling tiles and now food. Nice to see the folks at Monsanto are branching out.
I don't know... sounds like he has it all right... right?
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