Do you see it mamas?
We can disagree!
We don't have to be robotrons that all do the same thing.
We can have different opinions, different ideas, and raise our children differently
we don't have to hate each other!
Since writing my first post on the Mommy Wars I have talked about it with many of my mama friends. I have read lots of new blog posts online. Here are a couple:
Why I am over the Attachment Parenting Community
Why I'm Sticking with the AP Community
My Journey Away from Attachment Parenting
I have quit many of my online mama groups (just the toxic ones).
Most of them.
I cleared the decks.
I have created and joined some new ones.
In my discussions there has been some sentiment that *some* of the mommy war topics have correct answers.
Some things actually are better than others.
There are some BETTER, RIGHT, choices for babies, kids, families, the world.
Now. If you think you know the RIGHT, BETTER answer... for just one minute I want you to put yourself back into high school.
Close your eyes.
Are you there?
Ok, don't close your eyes, then you can't read.
Anyway, in high school, when someone ALWAYS knows the RIGHT answer... what do they look like.
I don't mean what do they look like, I mean how do they act.
"pick me pick me"
<you haven't even had a chance to think about what the answer is, in fact you didn't even know anyone asked a question>
"me me me"
"hello! do you see me raising my hand?!"
<you flip through your notebook, looking for what the question might be about, worried you missed something important>
"Back here Mrs. X!!"
<now you're terrified, how could you POSSIBLY not know, you're going to fail, in fact you probably already have.>
"Finally, I've had my hand up for ages."
"HOW could you guys not know this?!!"
Now. Was that a nice way to learn the answer to a question, you didn't know was a question? Are you likely to want to remember it?
My point about all this parenting drama, the mommy wars, the mom enough crowd, is that if you have the BETTER, RIGHT answer, you may need a new delivery.
There are people who didn't even know there was a question.
People who thought they already had the right answer written down in their notebook.
People who thought they already passed the test.
If you care about reaching those people, about "saving" their children from their parents' horrible parenting, perhaps you should...
Perhaps you should try approaching them knowing that they already think what they are doing is right.
Perhaps you should approach them with love, understanding, and kindness.
Perhaps you should just ASSUME that EVERYONE is doing the best that they can with the information they have.
Instead of ostrasizing them from your group, making them feel stupid, telling them they are abusing/neglecting/ruining their child, welcome them. Share with them. Love them.
Some nice things to do for people you may want to have an impact on include:
Answering their questions instead of questioning their answers.
Checking in with them.
Cooking for them.
Offering to help in whatever way is helpful to them.
Offering to watch their children so they can rest.
Lending them things they may need, books you found helpful, baby stuff you think is good.
Lifting them up.
Speaking nicely to them.
Don't be this guy: